Andy once jokingly asked me if I have a song to illustrate each different moment of my life. I do. I remember a song I like almost instantaneously and I go through life with a soundtrack playing in my head, like in the movies. Some emotion I’m experiencing or a phrase said by someone triggers it and the soundtrack starts playing. I even have songs associated with moments in my life that hasn’t happened yet or may hpefully never happen, such as getting married (The right man, Christina Aguilera) or staying in a psych ward (Lithium, Evanescence).

There’s a song I associate with leaving school and going back home, called Korabli (Ship) by the Russian singer of the 1960s and 1970s Vladimir Visotsky.

I like the guys voice, deep but with a barely audible obertone of sadness to it, and the song itself is somewhat melancholic. It reminds me of a time and place when artists cared a lot less what kind of music sells well, hence there were less boyish looking male singers and less songs about chillin’ in da club. The music and the lyrics are more personal and introspective.

My Russian’s wayyy too bad to translate all the lyrics of the song, but, basically, the guy sings of returning home ot his wife, friends and dreams. “I will finally return…, I will finally sleep” and there’s also a beautifully sad line that I can relate to: “I don’t believe in destiny and even in myself”.

I remembered this song since I’m about to go back home again, and I played it all day long. Does the man sound…tired? Or is it just me hearing my own weariness through the lyrics? In the last two and a half years I’ve traveled more than in all my life before I went to college, and sometimes…a lot of times, I feel tired. Tired of changing the place I live every few months, tired of dragging suitcases across the ocean, tired of meeting new people and never sticking around long enough to form the deep, selfless, lasting friendships. I miss having a home, though I left to start building a life of my own and a home of my own, and I’m sure will have that someday.

So I’m melancholic but excited to finally be going back home, and this time Andy will come visit and spend Christmas with me in Bulgaria. I anticipated it so much it scares me! So I play the song to soothe me and it somehow remind’s me it’s all real, and even though I don’t have a home to live in, I have a home to get back to. It’s what keeps me going through these last few days.



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3 responses to “Korabli

  1. Първо да питам мога ли и как в такъв случай да сменя личицето, което излиза всеки път като поствам тука? Второ, и последно 🙂 , и аз имам песни, които илюстрират моменти от живота ми! Включително такива за бъдещи моменти!!! Даже няколко, които бих изпратила на някого, на когото искам да се обясня в любов. Ако въобще се реша някога. Как да е. Радвам се, че не съм сама с тази особеност. ^_^ И те очаквам с нетърпение да си дойдеш и да разказваш за Единбург. Анди ще го запознаваш ли с компанията между другото? А на новогодишно парти у нас можеш ли да дойдеш? И той може да дойде, но да знаете, че поради липса на Хелоуин в Плевен тази година, партито ще е с костюми. 🙂

  2. Ne znam kak da smeni6 li4iceto, osven ako ne se registrira6 v wordpress i re6i6 da si sloji6 drug avatar. Ina4e ako ne ti haresva moga da smenq opciqta da ne pokazva li4ica, a samo nqkakvi abstraktni risunki.
    I az nqmam tyrpenie da se vyrna kakto i napisah v post-a. 6te se zapoznaete s Andy i s udovolstvie 6te doidem na novogodi6noto party, 6te izmislim ne6to za kostyumi.

  3. Личицето не ми пречи. Просто се чудех. А вие с Анди сте повече от добре дошли на партито по случай ЧНГ! Само измъдрете костюми, че няма да ви пуснем да влезете, иначе. 😉

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